My lover promised me the world but is still with his wife 16 years later

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my lover promised a country life and lots of travel, I fell for him hook, line and sinker. But 16 years later, I’m standing in a small studio apartment waiting for him to call.

I was a happily married woman of 34 when I took on a new job as a PA for a sales manager.

He said he would leave his wife when the time was right


He said he would leave his wife when the time was right

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He was 40, charming – but married with two sons. My husband was 38 and an accountant. He was lovely but predictable, boring even.

My boss loved the richer things in life – nice cars, holidays abroad and designer brands.

I had only worked for him for four months when we left to review a hotel for a sales conference and he beat me to it.

I know it was wrong, but being near him, kissing him and having sex with him was the only thing I needed to bring excitement to an otherwise boring existence.

He told me I was beautiful and noticed when I wore a different perfume. My husband wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow if I walked into the room naked. I said I joined a good friend for nights out, all the while meeting my boyfriend whenever I could for sex.

He said he would leave his wife when the time was right. Only it seems that moment never came.

But I couldn’t wait. After another boring weekend, I told my heartbroken husband I had to leave and rented a studio apartment. My lover still joins me for sex and always leaves a little gift.

But now I’m almost 50 and my ex died tragically a year ago.

I have realized that I have wasted so much time in a relationship that has given me zero, other than the dream of another life.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal response, usually within 24 hours on weekdays.

My boyfriend is still my boss. We don’t have much sex these days. He just got back from a cruise with his wife.

I am tired and feel like I have wasted so much time and hurt a very kind man in the process.

DEIDRE says: You’ve had a rough time, yes, and cheating on your husband would never be the answer.

Now you’re on a rollercoaster of emotions, reeling from regret, guilt, feeling betrayed and used, but most of all, grieving for a man you once loved.

Talk through your feelings with a grief counselor at Sue Ryder (sueryder.org0808 164 4572), which offers six weeks of free advice.

Luca is head over heels for a new girlfriend after meeting just a week ago
My boyfriend prioritizes his friends over me when we go out together

It’s not too late to find love with someone special.

My support package, Your Lover Not Free, explains more about these dead-end relationships – but will also show you how to move on and kick-start your social life again.

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