Drew Barrymore opens up about intimacy after a woman accused her of hating sex

Drew Barrymore has shared how motherhood and divorce have affected how she views sex and relationships.  (Photo: REUTERS/Andrew Kelly)

Drew Barrymore has shared how motherhood and divorce have affected how she views sex and relationships. (Photo: REUTERS/Andrew Kelly)

Drew Barrymore sets the record straight after a recent comment on her eponymous talk show left some viewers with the impression that she “hates sex.”

Last month Barrymore, 47, addressed actor Andrew Garfield’s claim that he gave up sex for six months before playing a Jesuit priest for the 2016 film Silence. In response, the actress – a single mother who has been candid about dating dilemmas on the show – said: “What’s wrong with me that six months doesn’t seem like a long time? I was like, ‘Yeah, so? “

But some took the unforgivable remark about celibacy the wrong way, as Barrymore discovered when she was recently approached by a woman after finishing a workout. “You look like Drew Barrymore except you look like you have mental health and besides…she hates sex!” the woman told her.

After finally connecting the dots between the woman’s comment and what she said on her show last month, Barrymore felt moved to clarify how her views on intimacy have evolved over the years, from her wild upbringing as a child star to her current state as a single mother who shares two daughters with third husband Will Kopelman.

“At almost 48, I have very different feelings about intimacy than I did growing up,” he said ET the extraterrestrial star shared in new blog post titled “Rebels Who Love,” on Sunday. “I didn’t have role model parents and I engaged with people in an adult way from a young age! I was looking for companionship! validation! excitement! pleasure! hedonism! fun! And adventure!! Now, because I can’t get in the time machine and change my story… [I] choosing to look at it through a positive lens, which is that I lived! I lived a very rich life.

Video: Drew Barrymore shares her favorite beauty products

“But after two children and a separation from their father that has made me cautious, I have had the pleasure of shifting my focus when it comes to love for myself and my two daughters. I know that does not include a man, and neither has it. for a while,” continued Barrymore, who split from Kopelman in 2016, adding insight from her therapist who has helped her distinguish sex from love. “I’ve come to realize through working in therapy (with Barry) that he said something and I had to write it down. He said, ‘Sex is not love! It’s an expression of love.’ I’ve searched all my life for those kinds of words to help me understand the difference, and now, thanks to him, I do.”

That Never been kissed the actress went on to explain how to be a mother to 10-year-old Olive and 8-year-old Frankie has changed how she approaches relationships, both with herself and with others. Barrymore shared that “since I came into life as a single mother, I haven’t been able to have an intimate relationship.”

“I’ve had the honor and the pleasure of actually working on myself and learning what parenting is, again something I wasn’t fully aware of growing up, and I’ve had a lot of learning curves thrown my way,” she continued. “I’ve been intimidated. I’ve been triumphant. I’ve been asked to be educated in every way I can be. The truth is that it’s different for every family and every individual, but I’ve had to try to find my I am also raising two daughters so how do we raise girls to be fit and empowered and to love themselves and to realize that we live in a time where the images and messages they will see will also contradict what I’ve come to believe intimacy is! Intimacy is something that makes you feel good! I also talk about and have learned when something doesn’t make you feel good or it makes you feeling bad about yourself, pay as much attention to that as what makes you feel good, because there’s a lesson in there.”

Barrymore says she's divorced Will Kopelman (pictured in 2011)

Barrymore says her divorce from Will Kopelman (pictured in 2011) “rocked me to the core.” (Photo: REUTERS/Kena Betancur)

While Barrymore has been open about her dating life, she is not currently looking for anything serious.

“I’m just in a completely different place in my life and maybe in the near future I will get into a relationship … but it just hasn’t been my priority,” she wrote. “So I’m not someone who needs sex and needs to go out and engage with people on that level. I’m someone who is deeply committed to promoting how young girls, my daughters and myself as a woman should function in this world A relationship with a man has not been top of mind for me for a very long time.

“Some people can get out of a marriage or relationship and in the near future find themselves in another relationship,” she noted. “There’s nothing wrong with that! Not one bit. I’m not judging! I’m celebrating their journey! Because for some people it really works. It didn’t work for me. I needed to remain very celibate and honorable and at one or another way a state of grief over the loss of a nuclear family that I swore I would have for my daughters and to find grace and acceptance and what our new normal for a blended family would be. It took time. I’m proud of myself that I took that time. It was what I, as my own individual and nobody but me, needed to do, and I honored that, and I respect myself for that, as I respect everyone else for their choice. I’ve simply come to laugh at the fact that being with a partner isn’t my personal priority, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be one day. I need time. And my view on sex has really changed.”

Barrymore, who has been married three times, also reflected on her love life over the years.

“I wish when I was younger I’d had the chastity and the thoughtfulness I do about intimacy now as a 48-year-old woman,” she admitted. “I wish I had been taught by my mother or my father or my friends that there are age-appropriate businesses and that there is a way to be a classy young woman! There are things that are fun, but also limits , that can lead to huge self-respect. When you are selective and you look at sex as an expression of love and not love itself… yes, I am so happy to be here now in my life. But don’t forget, that I’m a sassy monkey who’s rebellious and weird and comical and crazy and doesn’t judge others and really doesn’t want anyone much involved in my choices when it comes to this sensitive subject, but because I’ve been an open book all my life, but here we are!”

Barrymore ended her essay by making it clear where she stands on the subject of sex.

“So for the record, I don’t hate sex!” she wrote. “I’ve just finally come to the revelation that love and sex are simply not the same. I’ve been searching all my life…to be a calm woman and not a bombastic party girl. Even when you grow up and are in a marriage with kids and you think you only want to be with this one person for the rest of your life and then it doesn’t happen? It shook me to say the least. But I’m so lucky to have my cup run over in the love department: I have my two daughters, and for the first time ever in my life, I actually include self-love.”

She concluded, “I wish for everyone to find what makes them feel good about themselves and seek it! And if and when they happen to find what makes them feel bad with themselves that they are aware and avoid it and even refrain from inviting emotions in that do not lead to self-respect. And then of course, find out what makes them feel good about themselves and seek that! And being passionate and protective of the fact that we all deserve love! and we should all give love! but love and sex are simply not the same.”

The talk show host’s reflections on relationships and motherhood echo comments she made during a performance at CBS this morning in January.

“I had never realized and said out loud that I don’t know how to date kids,” she shared. “My children’s father is happily remarried to the most wonderful woman in the world, Allie [Michler]. My children have this extraordinary stepmother. Our processes have been different and their side of the street is so functional and whole and happening. And I think I’ve been on the sidelines—in a beautiful, honorable purgatory.

“I’ve said ‘It’s me,’ ‘It’s my choice,’ ‘I’m not ready,’ ‘I want to wait,'” she continued. “I don’t think I’ve said out loud that it really is because I have these two daughters.”

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